Adagio for Strings

I love music. Honestly, I'm not sure what I would do without it. It's almost as if music is one of the main sources of meaning for me, of happiness and purpose. Perhaps Nietzsche is right in saying the above. Life, without music, would definitely be a mistake.

There is one particular song that really sums up the cacophony of my existence, or at least what I think about my existence. The song is called Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber. It was written in 1938, during the time of the Great Depression, which explain its tone. The song is extremely emotional. The sounds of the cellos vibrate throughout the soul, and the high pitched violins pierce the depths of one's heart, as if trying to kill you with the sound of the most absurd and horrific emotions. The song sounds so sad; yet, even with its tone of suffering and pain, the song still spurs on hope and beauty: the strings continue to play, creating beauty within the morbid abyss of the most heartfelt chords.

For me, this song, through sound, describes parts of my philosophy. It's what the never ending reality of the absurd sounds like.  It also sounds like the perpetual suffering of humanity.  It is often said that life is suffering; in fact, this is what the Buddha tells us. While I do not see suffering as life, I do realize the immense amounts of suffering that we have to see and experience. To me, this song is what suffering sounds like.

When I listen to this song, I can't help but think about God. I can't help but think about Nietzsche's infamous assertion that "God is dead." It's almost as if this song is what the withering of my faith sounded like, with the gut wrenching climax being the ultimate destruction of my faith. What is quite odd, is that I've actually dreamed a scene to this music. There I am in a purely white room, with no corners or dimensions. And there he is, though I can't describe him or see him cleraly. He is holding me, trying to convince me to keep believing in him, but I tell him I can't. "There must be something more to him," I say in my mind. He hears my thoughts and replies, "Then it is up to you to find it." He lets me go right at the climax of the song, though I cry for him to hold on to me and keep me close to him. It's so hard to let him go.

What is interesting, is that it wasn't hard for me to let him go. I think what is the basis of this dream is Nietzsche's scene of the madman, who realizes that the death of God is quite a cataclysmic event. And, for me, that is what this song demonstrates. For me, reading that scene was an important event for my outlook on life.

I find it amazing that I can find so much meaning in this song. It's like my philosophy in sound. It's a beautiful song. Ignore what I've said above and figure out what it means for you. Turn the lights off and turn up the volume. Enjoy.